It’s all there in google. Top 5 Movies, Top 5 Songs, Top 5 Cities, Top 5 Billionaires, Top 5 thing I like to do, Top 5 B schools and even Pizza with 5 Toppings. So to add to the top 5 lists, here is a unique list of Top 5 things I HATE. And when I say hate, I mean it real hate, the Despise=hate=I-don’t-like-it kind of hate. And I would rather wake up at 4 AM and not sleep again than enduring any of these things.

After much sorting, polling, rearranging, I finally arrived at the list. It was not easy since the competition was extremely tough. But eventually I had to rule out exceptional “hate things” like “Canteen ka khana” aur “Himesh ka Gaana” which nobody likes and hence are not unique.

So here is the final list:

5: Traffic / Slow drivers / Traffic police

I despise almost everything on the road while driving my car. One reason might be that the variable factors during a drive in India are so high that at one point you will have no control over your decisions. For the novice drivers here are some tips:

a) If there is a slow moving family of four on an old bajaj scooter in front of you, then you are not supposed to honk or overtake. Any of the decisions might have serious repercussions leading the driver of the scooter to release both his hands from the scooter handle and shout at you.

b) In India the average traffic fine is a constant Rs50. The trick lies in the fact that that you should never say you are a software engineer. Any other profession including the terminologies like “Advanced hydraulic research assistant” or “Chief Thatukada Officer” or even “Indian Administrative Service” will attract less attention and you can get off for as low as Rs30 in a metro like Chennai. Even though I enjoy this whole process of getting caught for a non-traffic-violation and then paying the cops “tea-kaas”, I still hate the time wasted for these stunts.

c) I hate traffic and I know I am totally helpless. But what I hate the most is the traffic caused by traffic cops who keep barricades at totally unwanted places.

4: Slow Computers

Working with slow computers is the greatest punishment anybody could take. In my case, I worked with dumb unix machines with less than 300Mhz processors for more than 3 years and I always had the feeling that both my N73 mobile and myself were faster than solaris servers.

Not to mention the huge memory grabbing applications. In fact nowadays the computers have this unknown supernatural IQ power and they are getting so jealous and cranky that they know exactly when to crash so as to cause maximum data loss and frustration for souls like me.

3: Power Cuts

If you are not an Indian or if you are a NRI, then you can skip this paragraph. For all other brothers and sisters of my great nation this section needs no explanation.

2: TV SOAPS

Now explaining this will be tricky. For those who don’t know what a local language prime time TV serial /soaps will be, here is a sneak peek.

Imagine a family of 3 daughters and 3 sons. Now undisputedly in these serials one of the parent will be a step-parent (step-mom or step-dad) so that there can be two parallel confusing scripts. Now the 2nd and 3rd daughter are in love with a Mr.X but the 1st daughter knows that Mr.X is a good-for-nothing cheat. So instead of saying that to her sisters she will hire a Mr.Y as assistant. Mr Y will eventually be a big cousin for all of them in some relation but the Father or Mother will die before revealing these startling facts. ( To tell this part of the story, the director can easily take 2-3years ). Now MrX will come back and by this time he will be the good guy and MrY will be actual bad guy. Sister 1 2 and 3 will try suicide at least 5-10 times in the due course. Now the dead father will come back only to say that he was not actually dead and he went for a vacation to Mauritius (in real life) but in the soap somehow audience would have forgotten that he had died 2 years back. And all this time the 3 brothers would do nothing but gamble and drink so as to give the females in the house a reason for perennial crying. By this time the Producer, director and actors would have made enough money and hence the soap will be cancelled and taken off the air only to be dubbed or remade in some other language. The latest trend in this genre are devotional soaps with extra special effects and complicated characters and twist.

Example SOAP Names: Kollam, Periya kollam, Chinna kollam, Bhootham, Chithi, Periyamma, Periyappa, etc

Duration: SOAP time = 8-10minutes. Advertisement time = 20-22 minutes. Total=30mins.

Character qualification: Ex Film actor/actress or anybody who can cry a lot.

Audience Influence: Female species are highly targeted and hypnotized and are even ready to murder male species who would otherwise watch IPL.

1: BUGS

I hate bugs. Both living and dead. I hate mosquitoes, cockroaches, worms and everything that sort. I can even tolerate lizards, snakes but these tiny bugs piss me off. And because of these bugs I have started liking even Chinese for their electric bat. “what a technology!”. The bugs are fried like tandoori between the two meshes of the bat right in front of your eyes. Hope Maneka Gandhi is obsessed with only animals and she doesn’t start another organization called PET-B ( protection for the ethical treatment of bugs ) after PET-A

So that concludes my list of top 5 things I hate. It was really tough finalizing the list. Other things which closely missed out from the list are trivial hate things like getting up early, India’s extraordinarily consistent performance in Olympics, wearing a tie and even shaving. And ofcourse like everyone, there was a time when I hated going to school. I hope you enjoyed the list. Do post your comments/hate list in the comment section.